Wednesday, February 5, 2014

Becoming pregnant after miscarriage...

Three days before Christmas the Lord gave us an early Christmas gift, a positive test. I was shocked, anxious, scared, but praising God for this gift of life. A cloud hangs over the excitement after you have gone through a miscarriage. Your first thought is excitement, the second thought is oh no... I can't go trough that agin, the pain and heartache was too great. Then you go to begging God to please have mercy on your sweet baby growing inside of you. I got a very bright red dark line at 4 weeks pregnant, so I knew that was a good sign and nausea kicked in at 5.3 weeks, then boobs were killing me around that time as well and moved to itching really bad and just really sore. All these things seem to be good, but those things happened with the last one somewhat, just not as much. My tummy is already poking out at 6 weeks and three days, but if you followed my pregnancy with Tallis, you would not be surprised!! I was huge from day one. The last pregnancy I had, I was on down regulation drugs for IVF. This time nothing. After 7 years of trying to conceive the Lord opened my womb. So everything is going to be different this go round. I have never had a pregnancy without being on some kind of fertility drug. It took my body 4 months to ovulate after loosing the baby back in Aug and BAM, we were pregnant! As for the three babies still waiting for us in Oxford, it a sidetrack and delay, but a much wanted sidetrack. Not sure why things happen when they do and the timing, wish I could go into it more as to why we are so confused at this stage, but hopefully soon I can go into more detail.

I broke into tears this morning calling in for my first Mid-wife appointment. I knew that once I went down that path, there was no turning back. I will find out in two weeks if this child has a heartbeat and growing properly. I was so nerves picking the phone up and dialing the number. Unless you have gone through what we have, it will be very hard for you to understand the anxiety we are going though. I have been praying non-stop for this child to be safe and developing correctly. Praying that it's little heart is beating strong inside of me. Once I hit 5.3 weeks I knew the heart would be already beating or beating soon. Talk about fear and worry as a mom... I keep looking at the test and the line being so much darker than the control line and I use that as a good sign that all is well, even if I know things can change. My first appointment is Jan-21 with our mid-wife. I am praying I get the same one. She knew what we have been through and she was so nice and helpful with the last pregnancy. Getting us into an ultrasound at 8 weeks when they normally don't let you have one till your 12 weeks. I am very hesitant about going and getting another one done. I know... Me not going in does not mean everything will be fine, but the stress of laying on that table and waiting to see if your child has a heartbeat is indescribable and nerve wracking. You all won't read this till we already know what is going on at 8 weeks or not at all... If something goes wrong I might not even post this... Hopefully my next post will be a positive one and happy one. I am praying it is... Please Lord... Have mercy on our family. 

No comments:

Post a Comment