Monday, June 24, 2013

Appointment this week June-27th-2013

 We are driving down to Oxford, UK for my baseline scan on Wednesday morning. I never had my down regulation bleed, but the nurse said that sometimes happens and might not happen till after appointment if ever. Some women just don't bleed. I have been cramping every day now, suffering from dizziness, sore breasts, memory loss, nightmares, insomnia, and taking naps out of nowhere. Feeling very anxious and on edge. Not wanting to be around anyone... If the scan looks good and I have reached my baseline in hormones I start my progesterone pills on top of my nasal spay. But my menopausal meds will be sniffed only once a day instead of 4x's. I am in need of prayer more so for my babies. knowing that they are there waiting on me and my body, makes me long for them even more.  I pray for them and dream about them and what they would look like if they are born. A mom can't help but think about those things and long for her children. But I also long for Tallis to have brothers and sisters. It is in The Lords hands and all we can do is trust in His will for our life and through this process. 

Friday, June 14, 2013

This photo pretty much sums it up.

So I am on Day 5 of my down regulating drug. It has hit me hard, but still no bleed. I started spotting yesterday afternoon, but then it stopped. I am cramping something awful... I am feeling really strange. Like a storm brewing inside my chest. I wake up in the middle of the night not feeling right. I pass out, out of nowhere during the day and just feel like crying all the time. I have been in my PJ's for 5 days now and put normal clothes on yesterday while a friend visited. I managed to throw some make-up on as well, but it does not hide the stress, and the overwhelmed look in my eyes. This drug is the worst... 

Sunday, June 9, 2013

Tallis turns 2!!

For Tallis' Birthday we took him to the Train Museum. He loves trains!! He had such a great time and loved his Indian food, and Train cupcakes for his celebration with mommy and daddy! He is such a beautiful little boy, inside and out. 
We are so blessed to have him :) 


Day 1 of IVF Med's

Just started my med's today June-9th-2013. 
I am doing the one in the middle right now. So far so good, but I know it will hit me in a day or so. 
Just feeling a bit forgetful... I left the top of the gas stove on with the flam going for two hours tonight. Feeling a bit dazed. I am doing the nasal spray 4x a day. One squirt in each nostril. I have been through this before, but this drug is a bit different than the one I used last time. 
I will let you know how it goes. Please keep us in your prayers. This is going to be a bumpy ride!! 

Monday, June 3, 2013

Big Boy Bed.

This is not a photo of Tallis but the bed we got him. 
We put Tallis' Big Boy bed together last night (It's in the shape of a digger truck) haha! He loved it!! We put him in it with his blankets and stuff toy... Justin and I talked to him about being a big boy now and he has to stay in his new bed all night. We kissed him, shut the door and 2min later I see the door handle being pulled on and little fingers gripping the door and me meeting him face to face, (trying not to laugh) saying, Tallis... Your suppose to be in your big Boy bed... I walked him back and talked to him again telling him he has big boy freedom of having a bed and to say in it. I told him if he gets up again he would be back in the crib. He said BYE MAMA 3x's to get rid of me, and I said alright, goodnight I love you... Less then a min later he was opening the door again. So needless to say he slept in his crib last night. Baby steps, LOL! We will try this every night till he understands that that is his new bed. He looks so cute all tucked into his new bed... My baby is a little boy...

Sunday, June 2, 2013

Growing in faith.

Now with all that being said on my last post, I would like to say, looking back on the past 7 years of our marriage we have been through so much together. Growing in our faith, learning to be empathetic and sympathetic towards others when going through trials. Understanding the Lord more and praising Him through loss, illness, struggles, school, other Christians, family, friends (or lack there of) and learning how to be selfless when loving each other and those around us, and trying to put others before ourselves and praying others will do the same when we are dealing with hurt or grief.
It has been such a blessing for me to talk to other woman going through this hard time in there life and what a honor it is to pray for them and there families. To be able to give love and support to other woman is a blessing and I feel a calling from God. To encourage, hug, give a card, flowers, food, whatever they might need while dealing with surgeries, pain. loss, IVF, or IUI's. The Lord has really taught me what women need and not always words, but a listening ear and an understanding heart.

We have so much more to work on and some days I feel so weak and far from God and feel so unworthy of His love. No one deserves a perfect life, children, money, job, illness free or even salvation. Which makes Christ's love for us so much more sweeter and filled with Grace.
We want our child to learn this as well and see it in our marriage. With being married it is always growing, evolving, changing, but the one thing that stays constant, is our love for the Lord and our love for one another.
When both of our feelings are rubbed raw, on edge with grief, finances, lack of sleep, sick and not knowing what the Lord is wanting from us or where to go, we are both planted firmly in our faith and trusting that through all things the Lord is being glorified. We just pray each and every day that the Lord is pleased with us and sees how much we treasure Him and trust in Him to provide for us spiritually and in all areas of our lives... There are days where I hit rock bottom and it takes all I have to just get up in the morning. The Endometriosis really wears on my body... I pray every day for the Lord to heal me and make it go away, so that I can be the best mom and wife I can be. I have no energy, I'm in pain a lot of the time and having miscarriages is hard on me, my husband and my body. We pray for the Lord to give us the strength to get through it and to proved love and support from those around us. 

Dealing with Stress...

We are dealing with loads of stress right now...
We are dealing with our miscarriage on May~20th, as well as this IVF cycle we are about to start next week. We are praying the Lord will have mercy on us through this very difficult time and provide us with the love and support we need through our family and friends... If you don't have the support and understanding of family it makes things twice as hard and so stessfull. My heart is breaking over loosing our baby a little over a week ago and I am trying to cope with that as well as the three babies in Oxford. We want these sweet babies to live more than anything and to even think that they could pass away is weighing so heavy on our hearts. People just don't understand all you go through emotionally and physically with IVF. It really does a number on you spiritually, emotionally and least of all financially. I say least of all because we would pay anything just so our babies have a chance at life, but it does kick you in the wallet.  On top of everything, I am sick again. This is twice in two weeks. I think stress and the heartache I have been going through has made my body weaker. Praise the Lord my husband is done with school for this year and I have more help at home with our wonderful little boy, who brings a huge smile to our face each and every day. He is turning 2 next week and we can't wait to celebrate his Birthday!! Praying for the Lord to give him a sibling. He would make such a wonderful Big Brother!! So please keep this family in your prayers. We really need love and support right now. 
Thank you... 

Answer me when I call to you, my righteous God.
Give me relief from my distress; have mercy on me and hear my prayer.