Wednesday, July 7, 2010

What Do I do?

I'm an Artist and tend to think outside the box, but I never thought my thoughts would ever be on me not being able to have a child. So to stretch my way of thinking and seeing me grow as a Christian woman and wife, is a feat all on it's own. Change is not easy on anyone. It takes time and adjustments. This does not only effect your marriage but you as a individual, your friendships, work, and passions.
Once a woman starts thinking about a baby, we loose our heads and all self control... Why is this?
When my husband and I decided to have a child three years ago, we got so excited that we started to look at baby clothes in a whole new way. They were exciting, fun, and represented a new adventure!! But as time passed and we were not getting pregnant, those fun clothes became a heart ache, a reminder of what may never be. Getting a confirmation from the doctor about my endometriosis was a dagger in our hearts... But I had to work on accepting it and still do. Month after month, through tears I praise the Lord for my period and I try to understand His will for our life...
I have tried on many occasions to talk myself out of wanting children, because the pain of not getting pregnant was just too much for me to handle. I have thought about adoption, but the Lord never gave me peace on it... I thought that having children is not what the Lord wants for us and I did not want to sin, by wanting something the Lord did not want for our life. But the excitement on my husband's face the week before my cycle is to start reminds me of all the love we have to give to a child. Through all the heartache my husband has never lost hope, not once... He is my best-friend, husband, encourager, and prayer warrior.
He keeps me balanced and I need that now more than ever.
We are about to embark on a HUGE journey with IVF. Each step is a stressful one and will take a lot of prayer and hope on our part and sacrifices...
There are weddings I might have to miss, holidays we can't go on, but it is all worth it in the long run, if it means we can hold our precious baby one day soon, Lord willing..

So when you pray for us, please pray that our families are encouraging, supportive, and understanding. Pray that our friends will understand what we are going through and will be here for us as a support system, as well as the people from church.
We don't know the timeline on all this.
Things can change and we really don't know what the outcome will be, but I do know that it is all in God's hands and that it is His will, no matter how painful it might be for us, we accept it. But so far He has opened all the doors for us to go down this path. We are trusting in Him and His plan for our family.

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